Top Ten Reasons Why Harry PMSes
by Jesus Christ Superstar
Summary: ...Isn’t it rather self explanatory? Please, read and review. Merci!


**Author's Note**: _Heh.. I thought it was funny. Kinda, to follow up my Draco one?_

**Disclaimer**: _I do not own any of the characters mentioned. All rights belong to J.K. Rowling, and I am making no money off of this publication._

**Summary:** _Isn't it rather self explanatory?

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_Top Ten Reasons for Harry's PMS_

**Reason Number One:**  
Harry is sitting at the breakfast table, poking his bacon with his fork. Dudley walks over, or, should we say 'waddled'. Either way, Dudley came upon Harry, sat at his chair, and started to taunt the wee Potty-boy: "It's wee Potty-Potter! How are you feeling today? Is your wand itching to come out and cast spells over me? Hum? Because Dad will kill you if it does. He doesn't like those weird incantations you mutter at night… And I'll tell if I hear them again."

"I don't mutter incantations. Besides, I don't have a wand anymore," Harry swiftly replies, clearing his plate and standing.

"You don't?" Dudley asks, helping himself to a ham.

"Nope. I got it exchanged for a cat." Harry walks out of the kitchen, muttering, "Now to grow out my hair and paint my nails…"

**Reason Number Two:**  
(OMFG!FLASHBACK)  
"James?"  
"Yes, Lily?"  
"I love you so much."  
"I love you, too.."  
"Then what are you doing?"  
"Whadda mean, 'what are you doing'?"  
"..what's in your hand?"  
"My wand.."  
"Your other hand.."  
"..Issapicof.. John Lennon."  
"..You're casting spells to JOHN BLOODY LENNON WHILE HOLDING ME AND MY CHILD?"  
"Our child, honey!"

(OMFG!THENOW)  
"Harry?"  
"Yes, Cho?"  
"I love you so much."  
"I love you, too.."  
"Then what are you doing?"  
"Whadda mean, 'what are you doing'?"  
"..what's in your hand?"  
"My wand.."  
"In your other hand.."  
"..Issapicof.. Draco Malfoy.." (somewhere far, far away, Draco Malfoy spasms)  
"..You're casting spells to DRACO FUCKING MALFOY WHILE HOLDING ME AND MY TEARS?"  
"Our tears, honey!"

**Reason Number Three:**  
Harry has had a cold for the past week and a half. Of course, this week falls unmentioned in the fifth book, because, honestly, who wants to hear about a nasally, sinus-clogged, hero in peril and facing loads of hormones? Nobody. Anyways, this week falls after the day Harry kissed Cho in D.A..

"Harry, what's wrong?" Hermione asks again, poking the irritable Harry as he is hunched over his desk, his shoulders shaking in uncontrollable, and stuffy, sobs.

"I _don't want to talk_ about it! Oh my _GOD_, leave me _alone_! Oh, Christ, you're _cheating_ on me? Harrumph. Leave. _I HATE YOU_!" Harry screams suddenly at Hermione before going back to uncontrollable sobs.

Ron leans against Hermione, frowning, "I think he caught Cho's tears."

"Is that a disease, now?"

"Oh, yes. It was tested, and proved a virus chain by the Ministry. They call it Cho-itus, but it's scientific name is: _Cho-us Makus Hurl-itus_."

**Reason Number Four:**  
"Hey, Potter.." Draco wanders sheepishly up to Harry during Potions. Harry, curious but not willing to risk his life, edges away slowly. Draco pauses him, and huffs, "I had extra.."

"Aw, Draco, you _shouldn't_ have! Carrot sticks are my_ favourite_!"

**Reason Number Five:  
**I welcome you to St. Mungo's, where, due to the constant rapes, and unwanted advances by fan-girl-created Mary-Sues, we find Harry Potter. He is chained to his bed, and is used for cruel "scientific" tests because his mental stability faltered when one too many fics were wrote pairing him with Severus Snape. He lost his mind somewhere in the Potions dungeon, and since he could not locate it in time, Voldemort now rules the world.

Since you have seen the famous Potter, dear Mudbloods, may I direct you to the right where you will step into this room, and have a seat. Doctor Lucius Malfoy will be here to administer your "_eye exam_" shortly.

**Reason Number Six:**  
Harry is sitting in his dorm, the chattering of his fellow Gryffindors mingling with the night air that is slowly seeping through the castle walls. Outside, the owls are hooting, and one can hear the distant splash of the Lake where the Giant Squid is gliding across the surface.

With an irritable squawk, Harry looks at a small box, and notices something missing, obviously. He tosses them to the ground, and then dashes out; probably to the bathroom as he has been doing this quite often.

Unable to contain his curiosity, Ron stands up, and saunters over to the fallen box. He picks it up, and then drops it again, rushing after Harry, screaming, "YOU'RE HIDING SOMETHING, POTTER!"

Dean then looks down to the box, and arches a brow, "Ortho Tri-Cyclen.. 'Low level hormone b-birth c-c-control.. Clinically proven effective'! _What_ weed is Potter smoking?"

**Reason Number Seven:**  
A seven year Harry walks into his class; all giggling children are sitting on the rug in front of their teacher. The young woman is reading a story to them, and they are all pointing and giggling at the pictures. Harry, however, points and giggles at the teacher's outfit, muttering, "She looks like a clown in spring colours! She should know she looks better in winter!"

**Reason Number Eight:**  
Harry is skipping merrily through the halls of Hogwarts after defeating Voldemort in his first year. While J.K.R.'s editors obviously cut this out, I felt the need to reveal this to the wonderful Harry Potter fans. He looks about making sure no one is around, and then he drops to his knees. His little pubescent voice sings at the top of his lungs..:

"DO YOU THIIIIIIIIIINK YOU'RE WHAT THEY SAAAAAAAAY YOOOOOOOOU AAAAAAAARE? JEEEEEESUS CHRIST.. _SUPERSTAR_!"

**Reason Number Nine:**  
"I'm too sexy for my shirt.. Too sexy for my shirt.." A forth-year Draco leaps up onto the table, dancing and shaking his hips. However, it is evident that young Mister Malfoy is being directed by Professor "Moody" under the Imperius Curse.

Harry leans forward, while polishing his wand under the table, and yells, "TAKE IT _OFF_, MALFOY! TAKE IT _ALL _OFF!"

**Reason Number Ten:**  
Two words: Me-_ow_, baby.


End file.
